M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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