u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
