it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
