..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
