found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
