Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
