I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
