I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
