3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
