Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
