The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
