I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
