i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
