only if we run a train.
done.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
