i permit you to call me
I wish I only lived at night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
