My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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