Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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