I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
