I didn't shave. On purpose
well you can't waste a boner
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
