Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
