I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
