just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
