No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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