I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
