I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BRING THE BAGELS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
