when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
