She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
