Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
