Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
