I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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