ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
