well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
