I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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