the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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