hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
