he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
