i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
