I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
