i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
