every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
