Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
