Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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