i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
