i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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