my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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