She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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