So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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