just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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