Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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