thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
