I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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