Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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