The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
