totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Rumble strips road head = magical
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
